Kindergarten

K started Kindergarten. A big decision that most were oppossed to. Is she too young, too tired, not ready. Am I setting her up for failure, will she struggle. I talked to a lot of moms about this. It consumed my summer. But we found a place with small class sizes, a daycare attached, A can go too. One more year to try it out. Repeat her if necessary, don't stress. She will do fine. I had a parent teacher interview all ready and they asked what her strenghts were. I described her as compassionate, imaginative. A great, caring sister. Crafty. Clumsy yet daring. It was hard to carry on my description of her though as I haven't figured her out quite yet. She still surprises me every day. Ever changing girl. She has taken to jumping off the highest level at the park. She is going to break her leg soon. I can't control her. She has no fear of me. I threaten spanking and really want to do it sometimes. I won't though because I know I will regret it. But the yelling and threats don't work and it amazes me, It amazes me how my attempts to instill fear in her are fruitless. I try hard to be cool and calm, but her defiance and impulse to do the opposite to what I ask is overwhelming. Is it because she is 4? Or is she desensitized to me craziness? She has two people that she makes with her fingers. Every time I ask what their names are, it changes. Luca, Lilcia, Moca and Mica, Taniy and Lisa. She thinks it is hysterical when I make my fingers act out a story and we often make finger stories up in the car. The more I make them get hurt the more she laughs. She also takes to a guy that lives in my head. Super weird and I am not crazy, but Otto is ever present. I can't explain it easily. She likes her alone time. When there are a bunch of family around, she often disapears off with one or two people or alone. I will find her playing on her own in someones room or outside. She will be wearing a white formal dress and skateboarding around the cresent. She has no need to be the centre of attention. She speaks for her brother. I ask him questions and she answers for him, pretending to be him. She says: A and I want to make jello. A and I want to have a bath with bubbles. A and me need a drink. I love it. Her eyes are brown. The right is one half a shade lighter. Her body is strong and flexible. She has a six pack and the cutest, round bum I have ever seen. I love her.

Almost 2.

A turns 2 next week. My sweet boy: you are a hand full. You are moving from the moment you wake, until the moment you settle down for the night. He wakes every morning next to me, in his crib, he stands up and states MUM. And I grab him and pull him close, I sniff his ears and he smiles and laughs. We lay nose to nose and blink our eyes at eachother. And then he is free. Running, climbing, screeching, laughing. Fears only bugs. Screams if they buzz close to his ears. He accidently caught one in his fist this summer and the shrill cries from his mouth along with K's total panic has created an opposition to even stepping foot in the backyard. "A and me don't like the angry bee Mama". He gets along with all the kids at daycare. I sense they like him. He has a twinkle in his eye and a naughty grin. Oodles of personality. He is defiant and loud. Particular about where he sits. Doesn't want anyone to touch me if he is in my arms. Refuses affection from anyone who pushes it on him. He's nuts. He climbed up on the dining room table the other day as I am trying to read the paper. He smiles then spits his chewed up piece of bacon in to my coffee. SICK! DISGUSTING! The two break in to fits of giggles. Proud of eachother for successfully harrassing me. He copies everything his sister does. Pushes, hits, pinches and bites her too. She tells on him each time, A HIT ME MAMA! A PINCHED MY BACK. He runs in to the street and down the paths of others houses. Pets all the dogs he sees. He says hello to anyone who walks by, or passes us while we are driving. He throws things out the open window and repeats everything we ask him to say. Time outs work. He will say "SOWWY" when prompted. He is concerned when others are hurting and gentle in return... What awaits us next? Who will you become?

is this it?

We have had a change in routine. The kids are now in a daycare. It was a painful decision and I am still unsure how I feel about it. The first week was hell. Out the door ten minutes early. A longer drive. Crying, clingy babies. Listening to A scream as I run to the car. K doesn't want to go back. Weird stories that don't make sense to me. Did you sleep today. Yes Mama, can I stay up? (previous meltdown suggests otherwise). Are you lying? No, Mama. I ask the daycare staff and one says she slept 20 minutes, the other says "Kate had good sleep, over an hour!". WTF?I don't know who to believe. Is this it... letting them go and never knowing what they are really up to through out the day. I am guessing that this is it.