It's been awhile. I'm 8 months pregnant. That's how long its been.
This time around it's been a rollar coaster. Full of surprise & uncertainty, feeling overwhelmed AND scared intertwined with excitement, joy, gratitude and peace.
I got pregnant fast. I know exactly when we concieved; what day, where, who was involved (haha). I felt subtle changes in my body from day 14; sore boobs, implantation bleeding, emotion. We concieved and found out during our family trip to Chile. We spent 31 days there and it all happened in that time frame. Cells where multiplying at the beach.
All of the negative feelings I may have felt were purely because of work. I signed up for two new projects and this sudden blessing would seriously hinder my ability to complete the tasks. It's ok now though. It just took awhile to accept.
Now the negative feelings that have emerge are directly related to my every increasing waist line. I feel heavy. I can't pick things up. I have no energy. I can't sleep. I feel like I have been kicked in the box and my guts replaced by a bowling ball. Not fun.
Running after a two year old is proving difficult too, with limited speed due to the extra 30lbs I am carrying, my fast waddle must look absurd. I am working full time, taking care of K and doing 90% of the household chores. C is in the midst of his busy season and totally unavailable in thought, word and deed. I'm not having fun.
In spite of all this, I am so excited to meet my new baby. I do want my body back so I can have energy for Kate and I can't wait to see her interact with her baby brother/ sister. She talks in to my belly and says "Come out soon baby" and insists it's a boy. I've caught her listenting to her own belly with the doppler I rented and caressed my stomach while we watch tv. Love.
To my new baby: I am longing to see what color eyes you have and I dream of breathing in your baby breath. I want to unravel your toes and kiss your belly. I want to see how much hair you have. I'm looking forward to breastfeeding you. I am so looking forward to making this family complete. You are the missing piece. Come out soon baby. Love Mama
