a reflection

"Furnish an example, stop preaching, stop shielding, don't prevent self reliance and initiative, allow children to develop along their own lines" E. Roosevelt

Mimi is taking care of you during the day. You run to her with open arms and your dimple pressed in from smiling. It is a gift from mum to me that she is so willing and able to take care of you. She has flown out here until the end of the year, to ensure you have the best possible care for your first year away from me. We are so lucky.

What is funny about the situation is, while I feel you push my hand away when I feed you, so that you can do it yourself... I hear myself do the same thing to my mum.

Mimi: There is ham, and cheese and yogurt... and broccoli and bread for her.

Me: Ok, Mum.

Mimi: But there is chicken and cheese. And ham and yogurt.

Me: Alright.

Mimi: Here, I will cut up the cheese, in to tiny bites.

Me: Ok Mum. Thanks... Let me do it. Ok. Just let me do it.

(all the while Miss K is insisting she use the spoon to feed herself, shrieking and shaking her head no when I try to interfere).



So this is life. My mum parenting me parenting my kid. My toddler fighting to help herself, me insisting that I make my own choices, my mum longing to nourish us both.

"Growing up means letting go... a little bit at a time. And it's possibly the most challenging aspect of mothering, requiring you to dig deep, plumb the depth of insecurity, develop maturity and wisdom, and overcome the itching desire to pull close and hold tight". L. Skomal

Miss Independent

Ok. She has already broken free from me. You are walking. Away from me. When we explore the neighborhood and stroll down our block. You run the other way. She walks down each of the paths of every house we pass. With a grin and naughty giggle. I run after her and she shrieks with delight when I catch her. Then she signs "more".

I'm working away from you, 4 days a week. So on those 4 days, this gives me about 2 hours in total to touch, smell, roll around, read to, discover, connect and laugh with you. Not enough time. Especially when at least one hour of that time involves choirs; diapers, bath, dinner, breakfast, bottles, tightening up the seat belt buckle and running after you.

I don't want to go anywhere; not to waste time driving. I don't want to take you for a walk; as it feels like I am pushing you away from me when all I want is look in to your brown eyes. So we play. And today we danced. It's the year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death and you helped me celebrate it by snapping our fingers to Billy Jean.

Then after I put you to bed (and my love, you are sleeping so well these days!!) I think about how you grew up today. And it amazes me how you are not quite a baby any longer...